It doesn’t pay to be defenseless out here, so who comes out to play when this town/city is under siege?
(Alternatively, throw them into armies for a bit of fun.)
|Town||City||d20 Special Protection|
|1||1||Trained beasts with amazing outfits.|
|_||2||Alchemical horrors released from orb-like receptacles suspended along the streets.|
|2||3||World-weary Watch that become crazed murder party animals when they drink from their special flasks. Then they have the most fun, everything else is just a come-down.|
|3||_||Rag-tag militia that smear faeces on their terrible weapons and hurl horrified-looking frogs who've had their orifices sealed shut, bloated with hallucinogenic gas.|
|_||4||Ceramic suits of armour full of yellow slime animated by the will of quadriplegic telepaths on stalking animal-limbed ceramic thrones.|
|4||5||A stolen unit of lobotomised harvest soldiers, bearing lanterns full of Mondmilch.|
|5||_||A lusty troupe from a particularly violent burlesque school.|
|_||6||Gaily dressed ribald arquebusiers, accompanied by nervous squires carrying beautifully obscene painted pavise shields to protect them during their nonchalant mode of jocular assault.|
|6||7||Wax soldiers animated by the black wicks burning from the backs of their heads.|
|7||_||Elderly shapeshifters trading protection for having someone to talk to.|
|8||8||A Flesh Crafter sect and their creations abominable and beautiful.|
|_||9||Swarms of little girls with sharp knives who climb like spiders, with powdered white faces and brilliant pink painted lips spreading like a rash over their chins.|
|9||10||Discrete poison-throwers that look just like everybody else.|
|10||_||A lone sorceress who lives in a towering mud-brick spire covered in drooping, determined flowers.|
|_||11||Fat, reconstituting giant mud spiders powered by clockwork orbs at their hearts, crawling out from beneath lifting pavement stones.|
|11||12||Beautiful sombre women in robes like a procession of Mother Marys, swinging rosary-like strings of censer balls full of smouldering narcotics.|
|12||_||Red beehives goaded into a frenzied madness by their keepers, stung to death in the process.|
|_||13||Purposely-stunted dwarfish entertainers riding on the backs of crazed beasts heavily pregnant with parasitic jellies. Wagers are taken on the outcome and chaos.|
|13||14||A Plague Priest colony swinging and swaying their bodies to ring the crusty bells hanging from their rotting wrappings.|
|14||15||Noxious green gases expelled from towering grotesque corals doused in water, sapping the fluid from anyone who didn't recently swallow a tiny squid.|
|15||_||Really unsettling malnourished figures wearing fly masks, slowly shifting their feet in incongruously marshy patches of land around the perimeter of the town, constantly wreathed in grey fog.|
|_||16||A rain of exploding, dividing frogs launched from bulbous pitted mortars. They reform from the chunks, getting smaller and smaller, getting into all your cracks.
When it's over they're cleaned up by ravenous herons with surgically-implanted copper bellies full of green stomach acid bubbling behind foggy glass viewing portals.
|16||17||Ever-so-vaguely humanoid flesh-warped pink pigs wearing dented plates of armour and wielding shoddy halberds and hammers, squealing in fear and challenge.|
|17||_||Rumour holds that if a particular old man is injured, the town cats will metamorphose into vengeance-bound yellow-eyed black slavering beasts the size of cows.
They always get him drunk and push him to the front line.
|_||18||The walls of the city are hollow, stone wall and walkways wrapped around a ceramic shell exposed on the exterior side. Expansive black puddings and violet jellies kept alive by food shoved through hatches slide and squeeze through them, released when necessary by watchman that bring heavy hammers crashing down on the ceramic exterior wall.|
|18||19||Twelve crows with golden nails driven into their chests by five cursed old women. Each crow drags d20 mindless spirits with them, eaten from corpses.
If a crow is killed its spirits dissolve - if the nail is removed while it still lives the spirits roam uncontrolled and vengeful - if an old woman is killed so are three crows.
The final old woman is a failsafe lest the others are all killed, in which case the twelve golden nails break free and plunge into her eyes, and she becomes a giant golden-feathered crow beast with glorious wings sweeping over four ragged arms and a headstone crown, crawling with restless spirits like lice.
|19||_||The people are all infested by some manner of fungus, thin-stemmed fruiting bodies sprouting out from around their eyes.
It doesn't bother them much apart from imbuing them with a tremendous sense of community spirit, but when murdered they tend to explode in a cloud of invasive spores.
|20||20||Grenadiers riding in chariots drawn by packs of armoured hairless baboons painted in the colours of the particular Grenadier House, each with their own alchemical recipe.
Turning base metal to gold still escapes them, but they're getting pretty close to that universal solvent.
“frogs launched from bulbous pitted mortars.” So, uh, toad in the hole…