Sometimes in games as in life there are going to be cats, and those cats needs names.
So here’s a d100 table! Roll once for a complete name, roll twice to mix it up, roll twice in reverse, just keep rolling until you have all of the cats.
What Is This Kitty Called?
d100 | |||||
1 | Cankles | Farnsworth | 51 | Babel | Barbsmith |
2 | Hook-Eared | Pickens | 52 | Black | Nancy |
3 | Ginny | Rathbone | 53 | Rawkus | Grikksmarc |
4 | Cardinal | Pickles | 54 | Rupert | Wigglesworth |
5 | Butt | Crumpet | 55 | Itchy | Leperflesh |
6 | Puffy | Hampshire | 56 | Boris | Ranklefoot |
7 | Silky | Straussgard | 57 | Vera | Wrinkleface |
8 | Brown | Pumpkinickle | 58 | Fleabit | Grumbleguts |
9 | Sharpie | Littlethroat | 59 | Tony | Foamspittle |
10 | Delft | Pondarker | 60 | Mister | Milktooth |
11 | Blacken | Firetitts | 61 | Hubert | Haagendaas |
12 | Little | Arsehole | 62 | Precious | Mangle |
13 | Vodoo | Haaskikur | 63 | Gregor | Kittenpants |
14 | Pillow | Pudding | 64 | Talbot | Rumplestein |
15 | Butter | Knuckles | 65 | Gummy | Dewclaw |
16 | Sir | Creamyclaws | 66 | Gaffer | Rawhide |
17 | Fluffy | Tinklebottom | 67 | Twinkle | Butternuffer |
18 | Wretched | Swallowtail | 68 | Marvin | Musklord |
19 | Scabby | Fleckenhole | 69 | Nittie | Mattfur |
20 | Scruffy | McTavish | 70 | Toughy | Mcknickers |
21 | Anchovy | Brughelbraun | 71 | Rowena | Rufflebottom |
22 | Flaky | Sandtongue | 72 | Tina | Furlips |
23 | One-Eyed | Nipples | 73 | Marci | Gloomhouse |
24 | Pinky | the Conceiver | 74 | Marquis | de Rumph |
25 | Mad Eye | Dockbane | 75 | Princess | Pillowpush |
26 | Muffin | Softycheeks | 76 | Martha | Poot |
27 | Pimple | Viscossi | 77 | Pussywillow | Fartlord |
28 | Pouchy | Saagenbutt | 78 | Creampuff | Onionbreath |
29 | Ugly | Balls | 79 | Deon | Sugarcrust |
30 | Puslord | Stitchface | 80 | Cherry | Demonsplooge |
31 | Colin | Needlenose | 81 | Sneaky | Wrinklecreeps |
32 | Possum | Hangnail | 82 | Brushbottle | the Third |
33 | Clawd | the Cat | 83 | Viscous | Whiscous |
34 | Mittens | Babysmother | 84 | Stabby | the Tabby |
35 | Ironshod | Phillips | 85 | Commitment | Issues |
36 | Absent | Absent | 86 | Hobble | Gobble |
37 | Chud | DeBalzac | 87 | Blessed | Milkiface |
38 | Madame | Neglect | 88 | Scrumple | Ravagelord |
39 | Whisky | Waxlips | 89 | Spitty | Lincoln |
40 | Rotgut | Morrigan | 90 | Round | 4th Duke of Cuddles |
41 | Fuckface | Malone | 91 | Lavender | Bestfriend |
42 | Kitten | Saltywhiskers | 92 | Fatface | McNeill |
43 | Screechy | Shitfur | 93 | Butterballs | O'Malley |
44 | Alan | Grosgard | 94 | Sandy | Ratlover |
45 | Theodore | Yellowstain | 95 | Disco | Glitterhammer |
46 | Gerald | the Shitcunt | 96 | Shelby | Sloane |
47 | Jonesy | Blacktongue | 97 | Lady | the Indecent |
48 | Bellafur | Krakenbush | 98 | Milkeye | Hurtsville |
49 | Thorny | Notail | 99 | Cottonmouth | Poundcake |
50 | Ammonia | Potbelly | 100 | Sprinkles | Hellduke |
Download the table from Penny Pamphlets.
Combine with Goblin Punch’s Catbooks for maximum cat action.
Also here’s a curse:
Curse of a Thousand Cats!
You can suddenly see cats everywhere you go, but nobody else seems to notice. They appear to be friendly, mewing and milling about, rubbing up your legs with a friendly pur. All the time. If you threaten one it will hiss and run away while the others sit and stare. That night you will wake up with hundreds of them piled upon your chest. If you accept this without too much fuss they will hop down and pur while they groom themselves on your bedroom floor. If you struggle they will suffocate and crush you under their fluffy bottoms.
If you continue to threaten them after this, or if your original threats were too violent, their fur turns black and static and they will gut you in the street. Onlookers will stare in amazement as you scream and claw at the air while chunks of flesh are torn away and your innards spill onto your feet.
Preparing this curse requires a pot of new milk, catswort grown on a spinster’s grave, nine furballs of varying age and density, and at least twelve cats need to be present of their own free will during the four hour ritual. A ball of yarn is soaked in the concoction for the duration of the ritual and thrown at the intended victim.
I demand a subsystem for cat-to-cat combat. How else will I know if Stabby the Tabby can triumph over Fuckface Fartlord?
We’re going to need some Musk Class and Claw Bonus scores up in here.
If Rotgut Glitterhammer is missing an eye does that mean he has a lower defence, or does he get a bonus to causing fear against well-groomed Boris DeBalzac? Hmmm..
I’ll have to link this to the relevant entry (“a goddamned cat”) in the Galbaruc random starting Equipment table
Ooo you’ve got a new Galbaruc file on the site! Nice, you’ve even got some Norman Lindsay in there. I still had the old file saved, with the pink-haired woman.
We would be honoured to have our stupid cats linked to from that.